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Prejudice Against "Unwed" Teen Mothers,
Adoption Myths
"A child is better off raised by an
unrelated married couple than by her own parents if her mother
is single at the time she is born."
"A child is better off raised by an
older person than by her young mother."
"A child is better off with wealth
than with her own mother or father."
Most statements made about adoption are sweeping generalizations
like those above, based more on prejudice than reality. They
do not take into account a specific situation or the real emotional
needs of a child or his mother. In countries like Australia single
women and men are protected from adoption scams and there are very
few adoptions. Read the following information and consider it carefully.
- Known Consequences of Separating a Mother
and Child
- Are Young Mothers Unfit Delinquents?
- Using Labels To Bastardize Natural Family
- Have Things Changed?
- She Will Have More Children Later
- A Child Needs a Father
- Comparison of Adoption Practices in North
America and Australia
- Adoption vs. Abortion
- Infertility
- "Right" to Adopt
- How "Positive
Adoption Language" Tears Families
Apart
Known Consequences
Read about the Known
Consequences of Separating Mother and Child at Birth
Message
for Grandparents
Are Young Mothers Unfit Delinquents?
Most mothers whose children are adopted-out are between 17 and
24. Most are from a higher socioeconomic background from intact
families, according to information provided by the National Adoption
Information Clearinghouse.
There is no reason to assume that a mother or father will be
unfit simply because they are young. Many teenagers are already
caring for younger children. An adopter will get training to assist
them raising an unrelated child -- a mother and father can obtain
training as well. A 16-year-old mother will be 30 when her child
is 14, a 45-year-old would be 59 -- perhaps even deceased.
Motherhood
Lessens Teen Delinquency
About 97% of single mothers keep their babies. A recent
study performed by Esther I. Wilder, Ph.D., of Lehman College
and the Graduate Center of the City University of New York and
her colleagues Trina Hope, Ph.D., of the University of Oklahoma
and Toni Terling Watt, Ph.D., of Texas State University provides
interesting insights.
The study drew information from the National Longitudinal Study
of Adolescent Health, a nationwide survey of 19,000 teenagers
in grades seven through 12. According to a Health Behavior News
Service report by Aaron Levin, the findings were that of the 6,877
girls who got pregnant, the highest rates of juvenile delinquency
were found among girls who had abortions or gave babies up for
adoption. Girls who kept their babies were no more likely to be
delinquent that those who had never gotten pregnant. Although
before pregnancy, they smoked or used marijuana more than the
girls who never got pregnant, girls who kept their babies were
especially likely to quit smoking and to stop using marijuana.
Using Labels to Bastardize
Natural Family
Many in our society judge parents on the basis of a single factor
- marital state. By labeling single mothers (and other family
members) as “birthmothers” (“birth fathers”, “birth siblings”,
etc.) it’s possible to make it seem as if these mothers are not
their child’s own mother but merely an object meant be used as
the source of a baby for adoption. This dehumanizing “birth” terminology
is similar to “bastard” except that it is applied to the family
not the child. It denies the relationship between family members.
Using words implying a mother can have an “ex” relationship with
her child and be a mother only prior to and at birth is very misleading.
A person usually gets over an ex boyfriend or girlfriend, but
a mother will never get over the loss of her child. Losing the
opportunity to raise her child, even if her child is still alive,
will affect a mother for life. Even most people who have adopted
an unrelated child will tell you that losing that child after
nine months together would be a great loss for them. For a natural
mother whose child is adopted-out, the loss
increases over time as she misses out on the moments they
might have had together.
Have Things Changed?
Many in the adoption industry insist that "things have changed".
"Open" adoption - with promises to the natural family
of pictures, letters or even contact with their child - is being
promoted heavily. Moms with recent adoptions are made to feel
like "saints" for giving up their child and then they
are used to promote adoption. Most "open" adoptions
close within the first year. Many more close when the child figures
out who her real mom is at age 6 or 7. Frequently adopters close
the adoption and sometimes moms close them as well - after all,
how many mothers could stand to watch their own child being raised
by someone else and calling someone else "mom"?
Even when an adoption stays open, getting letters, pictures or
even having some contact with their child does not make up for
losing the opportunity to raise your own child. Mothers from open
adoptions are reluctant to tell their truths because of the fear
that their own child may be harmed if they do. Why don't we hear
more from mothers and adoptees themselves? Read More: Adoption
Ethics - An Oxymoron.
She Will Have Other
Children Later
“She will have other children later” is a rationalization sometimes
made. But not only can one child not replace another in a mother’s
heart, but there is no guarantee that mothers who have had a child
adopted-out will be able to have other children. An estimated
28-60% of these mothers experience unexplained secondary infertility
or else are too traumatized by the loss of one child to even try
to have another child.
A Child Needs a Father
A child needs the support and guidance of his own father - no
one else can take his place. But if a child has been abandoned
by one parent that is no reason for the child to lose both parents
and all other family members.
A Comparison of Adoption
Practices in USA, Canada and Australia
A Comparison
of Adoption Practices in United States, Canada and Australia
by Evelyn Robinson
Adoption vs. Abortion
Aren't there more options? Some women opt for abortion knowing
that their motherhood will be unsupported and they might be forced
to watch their own child being raised by someone else.
 Even
when a pregnancy is unexpected, by the time a child is born her
mother nearly always wants and loves her just as any mother does.
To get babies away from their mothers it is necessary to torment
the mothers, making them feel they have no real options but to
surrender. We never hear of a national problem of "unwed"
fathers, but kicking around "unwed" mothers is a national
pastime. And it does get some babies for adopters. But this attitude
leads to abortion as well as adoption. When fathers abandon or
neglect their children and women are forced to raise their children
alone it is not the mother that should be kicked around. Males
must understand that pregnancy prevention and each and every one
of their offspring are their responsibility. Even if they do not
marry their child's mother, they still have the same obligation
to guide, nurture and support their child. Abandoning a child
for adoption means not being there for your child.
Read More: Adoption
vs. Abortion Myths.
Infertility
Promoting adoption as a "solution" to the nation's
growing infertility crisis has a far-reaching impact. It means
less support for mothers which in turn leads to increased abortions,
a perception that males need not take responsibility for their
children, and a painful situation for mothers, fathers and other
relatives who have lost children to adoption and for adopted-out
children.
In reality, much infertility could be prevented by healthy living
and by promoting adult reproduction before fertility diminishes.
Even when infertility is not preventable, no one owes their child
to anyone.
No human being deserves to be turned into an orphan on paper
for the purpose of being used as an infertility cure. Being an
orphan and cut off from family is not a good thing. Whether "orphans"
for infertiles are created artificially through sperm or egg "donation"
or embryo adoption or they are created by encouraging mothers
to legally abandon their infants or by denying father's rights,
it is morally wrong.
"Right" to Adopt
There is no such thing as a "right" to adopt. When
the parents of a child are deceased or proven to be unfit, and
there is no adult relative who wants to raise the child, the best
situation for the child should be found.
Being raised in a foreign culture by an unrelated white American
woman who is advancing in age is unlikely to be the best option
that can be found for a child. People who have serious mental
illness are not being "discriminated against" if someone
else seems like a safer option to raise a child. People who don't
want to have to sacrifice their career, wealth or other interests
to have children, people who are infertile due to STDs or unhealthy
habits, people who don't want to ruin their figure of just don't
want to be bothered with a pregnancy, people who are single or
gay do not deserve a child. No one deserves a child - it is the
needs of the child that must be met.
Children who are already suffering the loss of family do not
need to be forced to live a lie. Those people caring for them
did not give birth to them and are not their real family. Not
every country issues falsified birth certificates stating that
the adopter is the one that gave birth. In many countries when
an unrelated person raises a child, the child's name is not changed
and her identity is not hidden from her.
Amendment VIII to the US Constitution:
"Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines
imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted."
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