Eleanor's story came as one of our many email submissions. Natural mothers are everywhere, many of us still silenced by shame. But having lost everything, we have nothing left to lose in speaking out.

Oh, my, what an interesting web site!  You mean there actually are real mothers of infants taken for adoption who feel the way I feel and aren't afraid to say it?  I'm so sick of all we good little girls just taking it, I could puke!  It's far past time adoption's exposed for what it really is - if it walks, talks and stinks like slavery, it is slavery and needs to be stamped out.

I haven't read everything on your site yet because I'm in a horrendous, nearly unendurable flashback phase at this very moment so I can only take a little at a time, but I'll get to more of it a bit later this evening.

My beloved firstborn son was taken from me by my parents and the dozen or so professionals they hired to help them 35 years ago.  My parents called this "standing by me."  I keep picturing all those trained adult "helpers" standing around my parents and me, 19 years old and abandoned by everyone, standing alone because that's the way it was.  They shackle me and grab my son right out of my birth canal and order me to like it and be grateful.

A few days after they finally got me to sign the papers (not necessary since they were taking him anyway, but a vital part of the punishment), my baby's father called from the service - he had been drafted and ended up going to Vietnam - and said he wanted to get married and be a father to his baby after all.  Ha, ha, too late, adoption must be served, breeder.  Shut up and stay in the garbage where we threw you, animal.

I fought as hard as I could, but it wasn't enough, and I feel tremendous guilt. I couldn't stop them from taking my baby and I feel guilty and sorry that my body did not die along with my soul right then and there.  I guess all those people who conspired to take my baby away from me lived happily ever after, but for me, the real mother of a real baby, the pain just gets worse - I am remembering and feeling it all as though it is happening right this moment and the pain is something no human being should ever have to endure.

Adoption is for dogs.

I was sent to live in this nether world, tortured with wondering about the life I was meant to live, tortured by the pain of living without my own baby, tortured by knowing how hated I am.  And nobody cares.  That is adoption.