"Birthmothers" Adoption Stories
   "The horrors of war pale beside the loss of a child." - Joe Soll, C.S.W.

  

How Our Babies Were Taken For Adoption

"Adoption is not about unwanted children.
It is about unwanted mothers."

If you are like most people, you may believe that adoption begins with a mother wanting and choosing to GIVE AWAY her baby. This is what the adoption industry wants you to believe. And in most cases, NOTHING could be further from the truth. A Trackers International survey of 1000 natural mothers found that 97.7% were coerced into surrendering against their will.

We are women who WANTED to keep our babies. But because of factors such as being single, ill, young, and/or just vulnerable to family and agency pressures, our babies were taken from us by force, coecion, and lies.

Some of us were still drugged from childbirth when social workers or lawyers demanded our signatures. Others of us never signed - our own parents signed away our children. Others were told that we would not be allowed to see our babies until we signed the papers. Others were told we would be responsible for hospital bills of thousands of dollars unless we signed. Some of our babies were taken from us at birth, given to adopters, and then we were told to sign as it would not matter if we signed or not - it was a done-deal.

"An agency has a responsibility of pointing out to the unmarried mother the extreme difficulty, if not the impossibility, if she remains unmarried, of raising her child successfully in our culture without damage to the child and to herself .... The concept that the unmarried mother and her child constitute a family is to me unsupportable. There is no family in any real sense of the word."- Joseph H. Reid, "Principles, Values, and Assumptions Underlying Adoption Practice", 1956 NAT'L CON. SOC. WORK.

All of us were victims of fraud in that we were NEVER told the truth about the consequences of adoption to us or our babies - in fact, we were deliberately lied to.

Our children were taken from us so the adoption industry make money, playing the role of savior to infertile couples by selling the "ultimate gift" to them at our expense, and then come out smelling like a rose for solving society's supposed welfare and moral problems. It all really came down to money ... keeping us off the welfare rolls and making money for the brokers.

 

Are you a natural mother and would like to tell your personal story of losing your child to adoption?  Email it to us at beba_online@ yahoo.com.  Stories from adopted persons are also welcome.

 

Personal Adoption Stories

Vicki Miller: "THE DAY I DIED"
Karen WB: "The maternity home was a shame-filled prison" 
Ely: "The doctor screamed at the nurse to take the baby away from me"
Bonnie P.: "Miss Parr, your baby has already been taken to be placed for adoption."
Karen D: "I asked to see her and was told as soon as I signed the papers I could"
Catherine: "It was the worst place to be if you were an "unwed mother" in labour ... the nurse slashed my private parts several times with a razor"
Lina Eve: "I asked why I was not allowed to hold my baby. I was told the baby was up for adoption.  But I hadn't signed anything!"
Kathy: "They were speedily rushing to take my son away .... I was dying with pain for the yearning to hold him"
Glen: "We were told we only wanted a doll to dress up and play with"
Kay: "No one told me that it was going to be so traumatic -- only that it was 'wonderful' and 'selfless'"
Ronnie: "It still hurts to remember the day my son was born"
Eleanor: "I couldn't stop them from taking my baby"
Brandy: "My child was abducted by the system"
Karen Lynn: "It became clear that they weren't going to bring my baby to me" 
Shauna: "It is not hard to manipulate a teenager who is trying to do what is best."
Melissa: "She told me it was best if I never saw my son"
Amy: "I thought this would be the only chance to get to still see my son"
Coercion in adoption is alive and well in the USA - Tarin's Story
"HOW THEY STOLE MY BABY: The Secrets and Lies of An Open Adoption"
Beckie: "I fought with the adoption agency till he was 6 months old for the visitation I was promised."
Gwen: "I was then taken to an office where I was told to sign papers"
Jessica: "I so desperately wanted to believe I had done the right thing"
Katharine: "I feel lost without her ..."
Pamela: Anatomy Of A Coerced Surrender
Cynthia: "The doctor told the nurse: 'She is an unwed mother... Let her hurt.' "
Barbara: "She told me that women who were trying to keep their babies were considered psychotic"
Debbie: "There was no choice."
Ty: "I was made to feel that I would be punishing him by keeping him with me"
 
  Native American Adoption - And Cultural Genocide
How Native American mothers lost their babies to adoption - a social worker's narrative.
 
"Birthfathers" Fighting the Infant Adoption Businesses
Fathers losing their precious sons and daughters to infant adoption

 

 

"Like most adoptees, I was always told that I was given away because my mother didn't want to keep me." - Shaye (born Susannah Gray Pearson) from Upstate New York, in the BEBA guestbook

 

" I am the reunited Mother of two adult children who were surrendered for adoption in the early "60's.  I did not desire adoption and did not seek it out.  It was decided for me.  I was forced, coerced and shamed into relinquishing my babies." - Robin Westbrook
"Although I was just 17, I always intended on keeping and raising my baby. I held her everyday while in the hospital, fed her, gave her a name. It wasn't until after her birth that I found out about my parents' abduction plan. Adoption was never discussed, let alone considered by me.  The plain & simple truth is...My child was stolen from me!" - Debbie
"  By this time I was 15.  The last day I was there the doctor came in and began telling me that my son was not well (a lie) and how was I gonna pay for all this and he was releasing me but I wasn't taking the baby anywhere because he would not be releasing him.  After five days of fighting attorneys and the doctor and my parents I was overwhelmed and finally signed.  I barely remember signing or anything afterwards. .... I found out he was adopted by the doctor's sister-in-law." - Carolyn
"What an emotional letter, to have something hidden for 27 years come out into the light.  I have grieved for my baby for all these years and this past October after a six year search my son found me. These past few months have been such a roller coaster. Most of the emotions I have been feeling has been from my revelations about  what happened to me 27 years ago. Please do not think that the pain stops when you find your child.  In some ways it is  more intense. You really never get your baby back and then you have the reality that he has another mother.   This is unbelievable.  Some days I am amazed that I really went through this." - Beth
"My daughter was born and I was not allowed to see her, or even know whether she was a girl or a boy, she was removed immediately.  The philosophy was to make me feel as bad as they could so I would never want to have a child out of wedlock again. An angel of a nurse moved my daughter's bassinet next to mine while I was in recovery.  ...   When the staff realized that I was looking at her they took her away.  I was not permitted to see her again until two and half days later when I had to legally hand her over to the Lawyer.  I was crying so hard I couldn't even see her dear sweet face." - anonymous email to the BEBA website.

" I brought him home with the hope that my parents would change their mind.  But they didn't.  My father and my uncle made all the arrangements for the adoption behind my back, then they told me about it two days before it was to take place. ... They drove me to Fairfax, VA to an attorney's office to sign papers, and give my son to the attorney for the adopters.  The worst thing I remember is of course putting my son in that man's arms and saying good-bye and feeling my heart get ripped out from beneath my breast.  I felt nauseous and my legs got weak. But the other thing I remember is the way the attorney treated me.  He had no compassion.  He was so condescending.  I asked for a copy of what I signed and he just laughed  at me.  I can still see his face."

His date of birth is 7/17/74.  I am searching for him.  If anyone can help me, please email me at Patrulideb@aol.com. - Deborah

"After I gave birth to my daughter I asked if I had a boy or girl, as I was totally made unconscious through her delivery and after. When regaining some consciousness, I asked, I was told I didn't need to know, it would be easier for me, as I was giving my baby up for adoption. I still questioned, and the nurse visibly irritated said I had a girl. I don't know what day or what time I asked the nurse to see my baby, I was resoundly told NO! you are giving the baby up. I found some little voice, under the influence of Seconal, that she was still mine, I had not signed the papers yet. At that the nurse, started telling me the woes of her job, her responsibilities to the hospital, etc. and that she could lose her job if she let my see MY baby. She told me I had to PROMISE to sign the papers, IF she let me see MY baby. I had just turned 18, and I truly believed I had no control over OUR destinies, I would have promised my soul to the Devil at that point to see My Baby." - Christine

 

 

 " Contrary to popular belief, natural mothers DON'T go on in this world after giving up a child, enjoying their lives and forgetting the child ever existed.  Even though people would love to think this is true, its not the reality of the situation for most of us.  Our lives are colored by the tramatic event and we are NEVER the same afterwards.  Most of us grieve for years and a lot of our future experiences as parents to our other children are colored by the fact that we LOST our first-born child. 
" Losing a child to adoption in many ways is WORSE than losing a child to death.  With death we have closure to some degree, with adoption we know that we have a child out there in the world somewhere.  We don't know who or where they are but rest assured, we know they exist, we know we created them, and we know we love them sight unseen. "
- Jaymie Frederick, natural mother, professional searcher and licensed PI

 

". . . babies born out of wedlock [are] no longer considered a social problem . . . white, physically healthy babies are considered by many to be a social boon . . . " (i.e. a valuable commodity..). - Social Work and Social Problems (1964), National Association of Social Workers.

"The young woman with poor self-esteem and low assertiveness might take decades  or forever to drop her denial and collusion with the beliefs pedalled by the agency."   - Dr. Rickarby, NSW Parliamentary Inquiry (into coercive adoption practices)

adoption stories

 

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