Just after they cut the cord, I was so elevated with joy and excitement to witness my son's birth. The doctor and nurse, the only ones in the OR with me, were whispering to each other, mumbling under their breath to each other. They were speedily rushing to take my son away. I asked them to bring him to me, while watching him scream with life, with his feet and hands jerking for bonding to be held. I was dying with pain for the yearning to hold my son. Yelled again, please let me see my baby I want to hold him. 

I remember the doctor demanding the nurse to hurry up, and follow orders. They had my arms tied to the side streps, as well as my legs were tied too. I couldn't move. I remembered screaming at this point again, "I want to hold my baby" "Please help me." They layed him down in the plastic see-through basinet, and the doctor yelled out to the nurse, give me 100 cc's of Demerol. Again, screaming along with my son, they injected the shot. This is still like it happened yesterday, I can remember every minute. This is post taumatic stress.  I saw the nurse whip him up, and speedily run out of the room. My doctor's words were: "Kathy, this is what's best for you, it's too hard for you to see your baby". Within seconds I was out like a light. 

I remembered waking up in the hallway, the next morning, next to the nurses station. I remembered waking up so frightened and scared to death. I felt like I was raped. Raped from life. Raped from my rights as a patient. I had no rights. I asked for help in understanding why I was there in the hallway, and was told, they wanted to keep an eye on me that they were concerned. I started to cry, and asked for my mother, and was ignored for a couple of hours. Again, I cried and demanded, please I want to see my baby, can someone tell me where he is. I need to see him, and touch him. Another doctor who was at the desk, pulled up a chart, and chatted with the nurses all looking at me, and one nurse got a needle, and told me "she needs to administer this for the pain." I remembered telling her "I don't have any pain, I want to know how my baby is doing, I want to see him." The shot was administrated against my rights. I yelled"Please don't do that, I want to see someone, I want to see my baby." At that point two other nurses came over, turned me to my side, held me down, and within seconds with crying from disbelieve, I was out again.

The next time I ended up in a room with another lady, older than me, in the same room. Again, frightened when I woke up, began to cry, and the woman asked me, "Are you o.k., do you want me send for a nurse".  I said. "No". I looked outside the window, and it was dark, it was already the next night. What happened to me. The other patient, asked me, "Where did you put your baby stuff, I can't seem to find mine". I was frightened and didn't know what to say, so I turned my back to face the window again. She asked me, "What did you have, a boy or girl, I had a daughter".  Again, I just lay there, frightened. Then I pulled the curtain so I could be left alone, I couldn't talk to her. She pressed the button for the nurse, and the nurse talked to her in whispers.

Again, another nurse came in and gave me another shot. What the hell happened to me. The next time I woke up it was morning, and no patient next to me. They moved her out. Then I remember a bunch of candy stripers hanging out in my room. Like if this was their room and not mine. Everyone kept an eye on me.  I can't talk any more, this is too much for me. I feel like I was raped.

How could they have done this to me. This was all my mother and doctor, and Catholic Charities' planning. I am so angry to be treated like this, I feel like I am there again.