open adoption rather than keeping your baby? Don't believe
promises made by open adoption agencies, adoption lawyers
or individual adopters that "Open Adoption" will
let you see your baby.
Adoption is a myth in most cases, used in order to convince
women to surrender their children so agencies can make money
and adopters can obtain children. Once
you relinquish, you have NO LEGAL RIGHT in ANY STATE OR PROVINCE
to see your child. If you upset the adoptive parents, or if
they NEVER INTENDED for the adoption to be open in the first
place, then you are out of luck!!! Adoptive parents
hold all the parental rights. You will legally have no more
right to see your child than any other stranger would. Even
mediation and courts cannot help if they decide to move to
Carlini, a certified medical hypnotherapist based in British
Columbia and founder of the Carlini Institute, (which
trains post-adoption counselors) is a reunited [natural]
mother who has been treating other birth mothers and adoptees
for 15 years. Her two books, "Adoptee Trauma" and
"Birth Mother Trauma" have laid the groundwork
for a growing movement to acknowledge the emotional, physical
and psychological ramifications of adoption.
stories on TV that deal with adoption are usually stories
in which everyone lives happily ever after," Carlini says.
But that scenario is often far from the truth. Too often,
"They forget to tell the girl that adoption has long-term
effects on both the mother and child."
the majority of such adoption cases Carlini has seen,
the adoptive parents find a way to end contact. "In reality,"
she says, "once the adoption is finalized, the adoptive
parents can move to another state and discontinue contact,
or they can accuse the natural mother of harassing them,
and [the natural mother] can be cut out of the picture."
- from "Choose Lies" by Deb Berry, Orlando
Weekly News, Apr 17/03
parents in many locations are reporting that their supposedly
open adoption have become closed once the decree has
been signed. Adoptive parents report that attorneys
have told them to promise biological parents anything
because once the adoption is legalized they can do whatever
they want. Some agencies are finding their adoptive
parents making verbal or written agreements for future
contact and then not keeping their promises.
The written adoption agreements may be solid but they
are not legally binding, as determined by Oregon courts,
because they have no statutory support. Yet making them
legally enforceable will not necessarily solve the problem.
As John Chally, Oregon attorney, pointed out in an interview,
promissory notes are legally binding yet frequently
p. 266 of Levels of Cooperation and Satisfaction
in 56 Open Adoptions by J. Etters, Child Welfare,
prospective adoptive parents who promise openness in-good-faith
may later close the adoption if they begin to feel threatened
by the natural loving bond between you and your child. And
yes, as they are now the sole "legal parents" and
your child is now "as if born to" them, they have
every right to do so.
to keep an open adoption from closing? Be prepared to be a
slave to the adoptive parents and obey every rule they set
for you: like how often you see your child (if at all) and
what you can do in your child's presence. If you displease
them or if it's obvious that your child loves you, they can
close the adoption at any time. Legally.
And more than 80% of them DO!
ESTIMATED THAT 80% OR MORE OF ALL "OPEN ADOPTIONS"
CLOSE. DONT BE EXILED FROM YOUR CHILD!
"open" adoption stories:
- Quotes from real moms who lost their own sons and daughters
to adoption based on lies:
thought that if I gave my son up for adoption he would have
a better life. She also promised me that if I did let them
adopt my son that I could see him whenever I wanted and nothing
would really change. I would always be welcome. A week after
I signed the papers, she changed her tune. All of a sudden,
I was a 'bitch' for giving up my child. I was an 'irresponsible'
parent,etc. My son is now ten-years-old, 'she' has long since
divorced her husband and remarried TWICE and her biological
son forced my son into doing sexual acts!!!! The courts gave
my son back to her!!! Now, none of us sees him at all."
- Melinda James, Kansas"
had my son when I was 21. Unfortunately, I was much too naive
to understand my rights ... I played right into the hands
of a couple looking to adopt -- a couple who told me they'd
watch him for the few months it took me to get back on my
feet during my divorce and getting out of the Army. Well,
they took my 18-month-old from me. He's now seven years old
now, and I don't know where they are. PLEASE don't let anyone
do this to you. Find out what legal assistance is available
and don't ever give up! - From a grieving mother, Jennifer
from Florida, July 2001"
"Yes, and to anybody considering
adoption.. do not fool yourself. I was not stupid. I didn't
just pick some couple out of a hat. This couple was perfect
on paper. Young, financially secure, passed a homestudy with
flying colors. They were sweet, and sympathetic, they praised
open adoption and even agreed to include Dylan and my little
sister in the openess. Just like most liars, they were good
at their lies. I fell for it, hook line and sinker."
- Kati, on Adoption
promised an open adoption to a first cousin, I fulfilled all
my obligations -- she has very cruelly broken hers. She has
repeatedly placed my daughter, now 8, in danger due to a meth
addiction. She burned their home in 1998 by meth lab, and
my daughter is now going through trial -- molested and abused
at 4 and 5 -- still being left with single, unstable alcoholics
and drug abusers -- and no-one including CPS cares. An illegal
adoption by fraud, undue influence, duress, deceit, drugs/narcotics,
child endangerment, cruel mental & emotional cruelty to
me & my daughter now 8 -- no one cares." - Sonya
Tucker from Texas
am the natural mother of a adopted child. My mom took her
away from me at the age of 16 and gave her to the DSS people.
After they took her, they told me I could not get her back
and had to give her up for adoption or give her to some one
who could not have kids. So a girl friend at school told me
she had a brother and his wife who could not have kids, and
they wanted her. They told me that I could see her after they
got her. They didn't want me to see her. They split-up in
three years and moved with her to another state. I found her
-- now she is 27 yrs old and doesn't want to see me - she
was told that I wanted nothing to do with her." -
Donna from South Carolina
put my first son up for adoption 12 years ago. This was thru
an agency that is still operating out of San Antonio TX. It
was supposed to be a 'semi-open' adoption. I was to receive,
at minimum, an annual photograph of my child. In the first
year of his life, recieved two very nice letters & two
sets of photos from the adoptive parents, whose names are
Bob and Marianne. After that, they never sent me anything,
ever again. I have been pleading with the adoption agency
for over a decade to do something, to correct this situation,
but they won't do anything. They just give me the same old
run-around year after year. I don't know if my son's alive
or dead. What was done to me was unethical in the extreme,
if not illegal. The agency misled me about what I could expect
from them and from the adoptive parents. They took advantage
of my youth and ignorance. My son's name is Ben. He'll be
13 in June. I think about him every day and wonder if he's
okay." - Heather Webb, TX, USA.
waited until my son was 18 and I sent a letter to the address
I believe he is living. It was an 'open' adoption in the sense
that I know where he lives and got a picture once a year.
(I am so grateful to know he is at least outwardly in good
shape, but he looks so angry in the pictures.) The letter
was delivered and not returned, but there is no contact from
him and I am coming to believe he wants none. The anger and
fear are fresh, and neither my husband nor my long-time friends
understand, though they try. I have told my daughter that
I had a baby a long time ago but he couldn't come live with
me and it is very sad. That's about all she can handle. One
of my worst fears was realized - my son doesn't want anything
to do with me. Another huge fear of mine is that my daughter
will think I think children are expendable because I 'gave'
him up for adoption." - Anne.
"My family didn't believe that I could be a good mother,
so they took my babies from me. They needed me to sign the
papers, so they told me that I would be able to see my children
as much as I wanted. So I did what I thought was best. I was
so young. Now my kids live with some family far away and I
never get to see them and I never get to talk to them. My
heart breaks everyday, and I feel like there is nothing I
can do. I miss my children so much." - Shannon, Texas
adoptive parents PROMISED me phone calls and pics every month.
Well, guess what?? Now they have changed thier phone number
and i get no more pics. My son is only almost 4 mos. old.
They want to forget that I ever existed. My heart breaks over
& over again every morning when i have to wake up without
my precious son. There are not even words to describe what
i am feeling." - Nancy Horton, Virginia
Adoption - Read how Adoption Agencies Brag About using
open adoption to get more babies.
Adoption "Options" - how open adoption 'options'
are promoted to get more babies for adoption customers.
agencies and lawyers stress to potential adopters that "openness
agreements" are INFORMAL AND CAN BE MODIFIED LATER ON.
They also define "open adoption" as there being
"some degree of information exchange between parties."
Thus, if you know the first names of the adopters, then it's
technically an "open adoption" and they have no
further obligation towards you. Once they become legal parents,
they have NO obligation to honour ANY promises they previously
made to you, in ANY STATE OR PROVINCE.
Note: The terms "unwed" mothers, "birthmothers",
"biological" parents make a parent appear to be less than
the mother or father they are. These terms dehumanize and
limit the parent's role to that of an incubator. Using the
honest terms "mother", "single mother"
or "natural mother" help the public to understand
why real family members must not be separated to obtain babies