"Birthmothers" Open Adoption Stories
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Married vs. "unmarried" - Pregnancy, Birth and Falling in Love with Your Baby


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How Much Does Adopting A Baby Cost?
by Laurie Frisch

In United States (and some foreign countries), there are many people surfing the internet looking for babies to adopt. Adopting a baby - it is said - is "just like" having your own child. There are "adoption and infertility 'ministries' ". Adoption is said to be "Christian", but interestingly many of the "Christian" adoption agencies facilitate ONLY infant adoptions, not adoptions of older children who may be real orphans. These websites insist that parents who are single when their babies are born must "do the unselfish thing" and "make an adoption plan".

Some of the people searching the internet look for "American babies for adoption", "domestic adoption information", or "teenage birthmoms wanting to 'give up' their babies for adoption". Some prospective adopting people want to know "how much does adoption cost?" Others are less subtle and just look for "getting a baby fast" or "quick and easy way to adoption" or even "babies for sale". Healthy white newborn babies sell for more than darker skinned, less healthy babies or older children. The cost of getting a baby is referred to as the "cost of adopting" a baby.

One website goes to great lengths to defend "Christian" adoption. The "sacrifice" of their own son or daughter is supposedly good for "birthmoms". According to some "Christians" God really intended the infant sons and daughters of young single mothers and fathers as a blessing to the people hoping to adopt a healthy infant. They speak of the "miracle of adoption", deflecting attention from the "miracle of birth" and the real mother and child.

Some people search the internet for "teenagers who have babies on purpose". I can think of one teenager who reportedly had a baby on purpose and she is very famous - that teenager is Mary, the mother of Jesus. Mary did not have an "unplanned" pregnancy - according to the Bible both God and the single, teenage Mary planned this blessed event. Perhaps the birth of the "illegitimate bastard" Jesus was intended to send a message to people: The message about honoring women as the "mothers" of their babies, not dishonoring motherhood by referring to mothers as "birthmothers" (incubators) and trying to get their babies for adoption.

As far as we know, Mary never even considered an abortion. And that is true of many moms who are being referred to as "birthmoms" and having their children removed from them by "kindly" people "just trying to help". Even if a woman or teenager did consider abortion, by the time her baby is born, she nearly always wants and loves her baby more than anything.

Some people speak of the risks of abuse if an unrelated boyfriend or step-father is involved in the child's life. An unrelated male will not have the same connection with a child and may not love a child the way his own father would. The same is true of an unrelated female - there is a greater risk of neglect or abuse. A child who is adopted by unrelated people is in a situation that compares to having two step parents and a whole family of step relatives.

So, back to the question: "How much does an adoption (or infant adoption) cost?

There is a cost to the child, to the mother, and often to the father, siblings and grandparents as well. The very humanity of relatives is denied as they are denied real assistance and separated so that infertile or gay people may have the opportunity to obtain the healthy baby "of their dreams". The baby separated at birth cries for her mother. Learning she cannot trust the the very person she needs most to be there for her, she begins to fear others will also abandon her.

Some of the people searching the internet look for "American babies for adoption", "domestic adoption information", or "teenage birthmoms wanting to 'give up' their babies for adoption". Some prospective adoptive "parents" want to know "how much does adoption cost?" Others are less subtle and just look for "getting a baby fast" or "quick and easy way to adoption" or even "babies for sale".

With "Christian" adoption, the rationalization that no one DIED (as with abortion) is given. Suppose a child molester or even a robber claimed his actions were good ones because "no one died" as a result of it. Suppose the robber said "I convinced them it would be in their best interest to 'give' me their money, but I didn't pressure them to get an abortion". That would be a silly defense, wouldn't it? In adoption, mothers are pressured to "give up" their babies - told they will be "heros" or "saints" for surrendering their own precious sons and daughters. With adoption, people do die. Some adoptees die from lack of medical information and some adoptees and natural moms die of suicide.

The fact that statistics on the number of suicides of adopted persons or natural mothers are not widely advertised does not change the fact that they occur with greater frequency than the norm in society. Even without counting suicides, there is an increase of depression and many other short and long-term psychological effects for those who are affected by loss of family members to infant adoption. Their grief goes completely unacknowledged which may have the effect of further tramatizing them.

"Christian" adoption? Mary was an "unwed" teenage mother. She undoubtedly got some compassionate help from others in the community as mothers nearly always do. What a blessing that there were no adoption costs.

 

 

 
 

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