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"Adoption is Unfair" - Quotes From a Boy Who Was Adopted

Are you single and pregnant? Is your teenage daughter pregnant? Or are you infertile or gay and considering adopting a baby? The "professionals" who sell adoption services say adoption "benefits everyone". Many in the adoption business claim that adoption - or open adoption - is good for children. Many in our society believe that adoption is a great way to punish single mothers (whom they call "unmarried" mothers or "birthmothers") for having babies ... and at the same time get babies for infertile people to use - but is it?

In her book "The Adoption Dilemma" Vincenette Scheppler, MSW, quotes a boy she adopted:

"I think you should call the book Unfair. Yes, adoption is unfair! Kids tease you ... mean kids. They say you don't have any real parents...I just think about my real parents, who they are and I wonder where they live. I would like to know what they look like, what they do for a living. Mainly, who they are. It seems unfair not to know. Yes, they are unfair. Because they just left me there. I don't know why. I haven't the slightest idea. I don't know them and I might never know them, so how can I give them reasons? I can't imagine any reason. It seems very strange to me that anyone would give up a child. Maybe they couldn't afford one... but if you and Dad ran out of money, you would get a loan... I don't know. It's very puzzling."

Her solution to the problem of the hurting adopted child:

"As a social worker with a good number of years experience in the field of adoption, I would be likely to advise parents who heard such comments from their children to listen carefully to what is really being said..."

Schlepper speaks as a social worker and as a person who has adopted. As a mother - NOT an adoptive mother but a REAL mother - I wonder ... if the adopters did listen, wouldn't they just call the real mother and ask her to come over and spend some time with her son or daughter? If an adopted child is hurting in this way why not alleviate the hurt by including his mother in his life?

If the adopters did really listen, then why wouldn't they work to prevent adoption separation in the first place? Why not question why single parents and grandparents are still being led to believe their child "won't know the difference" if he is adopted - when it's obvious he WILL know the difference.

The answer, of course, is that the adopters are selfish and do not want "interference" from what they consider to be "birth objects". "Birth objects" are people meant to be used as incubators to make babies for them to adopt.

Acquiring a baby that is not a true orphan harms him on purpose - we hope that most adopters were somewhat naive about this but we know that many of these desperate infertile people know full well the harm they are causing. If they really cared about a child, they would never have separated him from his mother in the first place. Once they figured it out about how adoption hurts - if they cared about children in general they would speak out loudly against family separation for adoption.

If the real grandparents knew the truth about how their daughter or their grandchild might be affected by this harsh punishment, few grandparents would "encourage" (force) their daughters to surrender their beloved babies to adoption. If the "birth family" knew the truth, there would be few babies for adoption - and the adoption businesses would soon fold up.

Are you single and pregnant? Is your teenage daughter pregnant? Many of those "Dear Birthmother" letters include the deceitful phrase "Dear Birthmother: We respect you..." - it sounds a lot like a male saying "I respect you." in order to get a female to have sex with him, isn't it?

In the adoption dilemma, it says:

"How does one develop respect ...for those who conceive children and then do not care for them?"

The adopted child is the expert on adoption: Adoption is Unfair. The replacement family is not the same as real family. The adopted child is an orphan child - the mother is also left suffering without her baby.

Click on domestic infant adoption - speaking out to learn more about how adoption affects mothers and babies.