all the most condescending insulting visions of adopters and baby
brokers, the day called "Birthmothers Day" would win
the prize for ignorance and disregard.
While the traditional adoptee has had to live with a blind invisibility
about our issues of loss and grief this celebration takes the
whole thing to the largest level of illusion.
Adopted adults have lost their mothers, their fathers, their families,
their names, their heritage, their history, the rights to who
they were when they were born, their birth certificates, and their
identities. It is quite a long list of losses, and one's that
should never be ignored.
The expectation for adoptees to swallow their pain at the expression
of their true feelings to keep adopters happy has been very damaging.
Few adoptees are allowed to express their true feelings of loss
and grief at being separated from their mothers and natural families.
Birthmothers Day Celebrations is not only a total disregard for
our feelings of sorrow but an overt exploitation of our pain.
Not only now do we have to ignore our pain in adoption but the
perversion of celebrating it is the expectation.
I would never expect any mother who surrendered a child to adoption
to celebrate that loss. I would further never expect any adopted
adult or adopted child to ever celebrate their loss either.
In researching what some call "Birthmothers Day Celebrations",
it occurred to me who would be stupid enough and cruel enough
to ever expect anyone to celebrate the loss and separations that
occur in adoption. This was a question of other adopted adults
enraged and insulted that such a thing had ever been created?
It didn't take me long it know that this three ring circus of
celebrations was all in itself both devised, orchestrated and
planned by baby brokers and adopters. According to them, this
celebration is a way of recognizing natural mothers.
If they valued natural mothers, and moreover those who have been
separated from their natural mothers, then "Birth Mothers
Day" would not exist. The presumption that we adoptees need
a separate day to think of our mothers is shocking.
Most adopted adults have spent years both mourning, dreaming,
fantasizing, grieving, hoping and trying to come to terms with
our separations and loss in adoption. Our birthdays are of course
the day of the most intimate connections to our mothers - whether
they are shadows of what we hope to find, or real as in we have
found and reunited with them this day is a day of reality, and
deep feelings be we in contact with our natural mothers or not.
Mothers day, recognized holidays and other regular days are also
days that cannot change that we are adopted. We think of our natural
mothers on all kinds of days. To designate a special day and to
be told that this is the day to "celebrate" adoption
by others is sick.
This celebration is an in your face slap to natural mothers who
are seen as not being worthy enough to be thought of, loved or
cherished on what a normal society calls "Mothers Day".
It is a coercive measure to dismantle the meaning of natural mothers
and to give them a lower status while perpetuating the pedestal
worship of adopters at their expense. What is even more damaging
though is that adopted adults are supposed to participate in this.
How dare a group of adopters and baby brokers tell me or anyone
else what to think of our mothers, when to think of them, or to
boldly be expected to celebrate our loss?
I do not know anyone who would wish to celebrate being a first
mother, nor anyone who would wish to celebrate being adopted.
I interviewed many people when I heard of this disgusting orchestration;
most adoptees were also insulted and certainly did not feel like
celebrating, and most mothers were deeply angered and insulted
that I know about this bizarre created celebration. That anyone
would disregard their pain to the point of it being celebrated
both angered and saddened both sides of this.
Birthmothers Day Celebration Day - It is a day of cruel expectations,
illusions and manipulation. Its goal is to promote the oppression
and exploitation of other women so that baby brokers can sell
their children. It is sick, twisted and highly offensive to me
as an adult adoptee.
It is bad enough to feel the loss of being unworthy and to have
feelings of being not good enough as in being adopted those feelings
are created. But to think of my mother or any mother celebrating
their separation from their child is very cruel. How painful it
would have felt to me to know my mother celebrated this loss.
It would have if anything told me that she did not love me as
she was happy to not be able to raise me. That would have turned
into feelings of self-hatred and no self worth. How sick and damaging
it is to children to have this type of thing going on. It would
be up their with divorce day celebrations and or celebrating diseases
and other tragedies.
Adoption is not anything to celebrate. Expecting the victims to
celebrate it is beyond bizarre - it is as damaging and as sick
as it gets. I would sincerely hope that anyone see this for the
manipulation that it is.
Shame on those who participate, orchestrate and promote this bizarre
parody of truth.
I personally and professionally decry and boycott all days called
"Birthmothers Day Celebrations". Neither my mother who
surrendered me to adoption nor I would wish to celebrate. If we
created "Infertility Celebration Day" I bet the brokers
might be offended. Maybe that is what I will do: bake a cake and
celebrate another person's pain?? Where is humanity going when
such cruel orchestrations exist?
2002 © Anne Patterson
is a reunited adopted person and professional private investigator.
She has 11 years experience and a 95.4% success rate in reuniting
families separated by adoption. Visit her website at http://www3.sympatico.ca/searches