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For
the 80 years that adoption has been a growth industry, we who had
lost our children to adoption were silenced by shame. The shame
of being an "unwed mother." The shame of being a "loose
woman." The shame of having surrendered a child to adoption
("How could you give your own child away?"). The secrecy
of closed-adoption and maternity homes where we were warned not
to reveal our surnames, and being sent away by our parents to distant
towns so our pregnancies would not bring shame upon the family name.
"When
she renounces her child for its own good, the unwed mother has learned
a lot She has learned an important human value. She has learned
to pay the price for her misdemeanor. and this alone, if punishment
is needed, is punishment enough. -- Dr. Marion Hilliard. Toronto
Telegram (November 22, 1956)
Now,
in reunion, we have found that what was done to us "for
our children's sake" was not for our children's benefit after
all - that most of them do not appreciate having been given by
social workers to strangers - being "adoptees." They
were often told that we did not want them. They grew up with strangers,
not knowing another person who looked like them. They were never
told that they were taken from us. They were never told that we
were usually pressured, coerced, and forced to surrender them.
Now,
we are shedding the stigma that agencies and lawyers employed
in order to keep us quiet. Reunited with our adult children, we
have found out how much money was paid to the agencies and lawyers
by their adopters for them. That adoption was more of a way for
governments to reduce welfare rolls and for agencies to earn profits
than for our children's benefit. An industry that profited from
our grief and loss. We are speaking out.
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