Infant Adoption and Marriage - Comparing These Man-Made Social Constructs, by Marcia Stephens

Adoption promoters today like to put a happy spin on infant adoption. But are they trying to find homes for true orphans or is all the advertising and promotion being done in an attempt to get more babies for customers?

Adoption is a man-made "institution", where a person who is unrelated to another person by nature becomes related to them by law. In many ways, adoption is similar to marriage, another legal relationship. But there are significant differences getween these legal relationships. In marriage - at least in "civilized" countries- both partners have a choice and neither one is forced into this legal relationship. In marriage, unless one partner is abusive and controlling, neither partner is forced to "give up" the family members they had previously.

Adoption is quite a different situation. The person who adopts gets to "choose" adoption, but the person who is adopted ordinarily does not have any choice in the matter. Even more shocking, the person who is adopted is forced to "give up" her family members when she is adopted. She is usually cut off completely from family. Her real birth certificate is sealed and a fraudulently amended birth certificate is issued, listing the adopters as the ones who gave birth. The adopted person's name is generally changed and her date of birth and place of birth may be changed as well.

Are the "official lies" about the adopted person's identity done in their interests? Did the mothers who surrendered their precious babies have any input into the "rules" of the adoption game? Judging by the numbers of adopted people who later seek out family, and the numbers of mothers and fathers and siblings who seek out the family member who was adopted, one must conclude that a great many of them do not feel that all the lies and information hiding is a protection, but a violation of their human rights.

Where did the "rules" of the game come from? Infertile people who want a baby very often want to pretend they were the ones who gave birth - the presence of parents, grandparents, siblings and other relatives will "ruin" this fantasy. So the parents, grandparents, siblings and others are shut out. The adopted person is made to feel guily for even thinking about her true relatives. Just imagine if in a marriage, a woman were pressured to denounce her mother, father, ancestors and siblings - pressured to say her husband is her only real family. Just imagine if when she got married, her mother was demoted to the lowest status - the status of "birthmother" or "birth thing" - and told never to try to contact her child.

infant adoption marriage birthmothers

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