Presented
at SAGAS - Secret Adoption Grief Art Show
Spokane Washington USA, November 3, 2000
Since
the birth of our nation there have always been individuals in
the forefront of their movement who were known as "radical." What
exactly does it mean to be radical? In checking with Webster,
we find that the word has two primary meanings - revolutionary
and fundamental. Synonyms of revolutionary are nonconformist,
rebel rouser, ringleader, but also activist and reformer. The
word fundamental means such things as basic, essential, innate,
original and constitutional - certainly these terms are appropriate
to our discussion here today.
Think
about it - were it not for radical leadership, slavery would still
exist and women would still not be allowed to vote. William Lloyd
Garrison began his personal attack on slavery in 1829 when he
called for 'gradual emancipation.' But only two years later, he
published the first issue of The Liberator and called for "an
immediate end of an immoral institution." Yet 126 years passed
before Rosa Parks dared to test the waters of racial equality
fueling the Civil Rights movement of our century. Susan B. Anthony
another one of those radical individuals, along with 15 of her
friends was arrested on November 5, 1872 for daring to go to the
ballot box, but it would be another 48 years following her arrest
before the 19th Amendment was finally passed allowing women the
right to vote.
It
was sometime during the early 80's that I first recall someone
referring to me as a 'radical.' I also remember feeling uncomfortable
with that label because it seemed to have such a negative connotation.
But it was during the late 70's that I had become committed to
the cause of adoption reform at any cost. So the radical label
was apparently correct. It was November 5, 1993 when I walked
through the gates of a federal prison for daring to challenge
our adoption laws. Why was I sent to Prison. Because I refused
to plead guilty to the government's ridiculous charge of "conspiracy
to defraud the government of confidential information:" and because
I turned down their plea bargains. Early on, I had made a conscious
decision that I would not be deterred by the threat of prison
because I was so passionate about my beliefs.
Prior
to being processed into the general population, I was placed in
solitary confinement. I only mention that fact because I'm extremely
claustrophobic and because I was denied medication during those
three days. Needless to say, I was a basket case by the time I
got out of solitary. Did I question myself as to whether it was
really worth what I was going through? Yes, I did - in fact I
had lots of time to consider that question. Did I suffer emotionally
- I can assure you that I did! But do I have any regrets about
my decision to stand my ground? No, I don't! What are you passionate
about? What changes would you like to see and what are you willing
to do to make them happen? What I'm going to share with you today
may seem radical, but if it resounds within your heart and spirit,
then I pray that you will commit yourself to radical leadership.
Either way, I hope you will keep an open mind and hear me out.
Organizations
and institutions rise and fall - they rise because they fulfill
a purpose for a specified period of time and when the need for
them no longer exists, they fall. The institution of adoption,
as we know it, started its rise in the 40's, rose steadily during
the 50's, 60's and 70's and then began a decline during the 80's
and 90's. Many of us now living at the beginning of the 21st Century
realize that an institution so riddled with secrecy and lies has
no place in our society. There comes a time when a foundation
is so decayed that it becomes necessary to tear it down rather
than to try to build upon it. I believe that time has come. I
can hear some of my old former cronies now saying "she wants to
throw out the baby with the bath water." They're the same ones
who believe the foundation of this institution can be "fixed",
that somehow it can be improved upon and made better and stronger,
but I propose to you that a crumbling, broken infested foundation
cannot be fixed nor can it be repaired.
The
reason is this - the major crack in the substructure is not whether
adoptees should be entitled to their information (that goes without
question - of course they should!!) or it's not in trying to determine
how many hours should pass before a mother can sign a surrender
paper (there aren't enough hours to justify a permanent separation
of mother and child). So the major crack in the foundation is
the way adoption has been and continues to be constructed. What
do I mean by the 'construction of adoption?'
Adoption
has always been a charade using a game we all used to play when
we were kids - the game of "Let's Pretend" - for instance, to
the mother we say - 'let's pretend' you never had a baby; then
you can go on with your life, start a career, and put all this
behind you like a bad dream; to the adopters we say - 'let's pretend'
that this child you're adopting was "given away" because he/she
wasn't wanted and even though this child comes pre-packaged with
their own unique genetic makeup, let's just pretend that adoption
will wipe it out; and then when the adoptee gets older and starts
asking the "Who Am I" question, we tell them to pretend that their
ancestral roots which include their entire cultural, medical and
social history really don't matter - those basic God-given innate
constitutional rights just aren't important enough to break the
almighty 'sealed record!'
This
game of 'let's pretend' allows the adoption service providers
using the legal system to carry out the charade. Here is the crux
of the entire charade - it allows ASP (adoption service providers)
to falsify/doctor legal documents and thereby sanction the legalizing
of lies. Then they take the true and accurate information and
hide it under the cloak of secrecy - all the while stealing and
robbing the child of its constitutional birthright to know their
roots, their culture, their entire history. We are then forced
into the position of playing the game by their rules. When you,
the adoptee, as a grown adult, request your own basic information,
once again they hide behind the secrecy laws which they themselves
created, put into place, and now, even in this age of enlightenment,
continue to staunchly defend.
We
need to stop the pretense so inherent in adoption. By its very
nature and language, the entire process is full of pretense. Let
me cite just a few examples from two of the many adoption documents
- the final decree states "as if born to the adoptive parents
now and forevermore" allowing the charade to begin. But more outrageous
is the surrender paper which still uses the term "abandoned!"
Can you think of anything worse than for a child to feel or be
told that they were 'abandoned' by their own mother - or for a
mother to feel she abandoned her child? I left the hospital that
July day in 1954 with empty arms and a broken heart and the memory
of my daughter never ceased, and though I was told to forget,
I never did. I can assure you that I never believed I was abandoning
her, but that's what the paperwork would have us believe. Was
I in dire straits at the time - definitely! Do I wish there could
have been another solution - absolutely! Was it a last resort
and I finally "surrendered" - yes! But hardly abandonment! The
real truth of the matter is that no mother wants to 'give away'
her child. It is not the norm nor is it a natural act. In fact,
it is probably one of the most unnatural acts known to the human
race and, sadly, we are one of the few countries in the world
that encourage mothers to give away their babies and endorse the
taking of young children from poor families.
How
did an institution supposedly built upon love and compassion for
children become a billion dollar business requiring professional
intermediaries and legislated rules and regulations to make it
function? My friends, it's an outrage. The time has come for us
to end this charade. We need to have a vision that no child has
to be permanently separated from their family of origin - their
birth kin. Now hear me out on this. I'm not so naïve that
I don't realize there are times when a child needs to have other
caretakers (formerly called guardians), but when it becomes absolutely
impossible for a child to remain with the family of origin, then
let us at the very least establish a way for them to maintain
their family ties. And let us NOT eradicate their family name
- it's who they are! Many of you are probably thinking that these
are lofty, idealistic or unrealistic ideas, but if we are really
pro-family, then we've got to begin some-where. It's so important
to remember that we don't just remove a child from a mother or
a father; when a child is taken, they are taken from an entire
family of aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents - their whole root
system.
The
trauma of separation from one's family of origin is one of the
most agonizing traumas we suffer as human beings. I am reminded
of Louise, a 56 year old searching adoptee who told our support
group that on the way home from a former meeting, she began to
think about her mother 'out there somewhere' and suddenly the
tears began to flow and she began to cry. Over and over again,
she cried "Mommy, Mommy, where are you?!" I remember her look
of embarrassment as she was telling us about it, but everyone
shook their heads with complete empathy and understanding as to
what she had experienced. Yes, the loss is so great that we could
all well relate.
Then
there was Elizabeth. Elizabeth was a mother whose words have been
ringing in my ears since she first spoke them 24 years ago. She
said "My social worker told me to get on with my life, to go to
college get a degree and 'make something of myself.' I did just
as she suggested because I had no other options open to me, but
it didn't take me very long to realize that what I had done was
to trade my child for a PhD and I've never gotten over that awful
realization. I've regretted my decision ever since."
And
finally there was Nora, an adoptive parent who pleaded with The
Musser Foundation to locate her adopted daughter's mother. In
her letter to us, she wrote, "My daughter is in so much pain.
It breaks my heart to see her struggling with who she is and it
doesn't seem fair that she would be denied this basic information"
She went on to express how she hoped we would be able to locate
her mother in time for her daughter's 21st birthday. She wanted
to provide her with the information as a gift. We did complete
the search, but not in time. Sadly, her mother had passed away
just a short time before. She was totally devastated and is still
dealing with the awful grief that is experienced when the search
ends at the grave. Friends, time is always of the essence.
The
trauma of separation caused by adoption affects all of us for
all of our lives. Statistics have proven over and over again that
our jails, our mental health facilities and our treatment centers
are filled with those who became separated from their family of
origin at an early age. And they're filled with rage. The repressed
anger that results from the trauma of separation is, I believe,
the most toxic emotion known to man. Traditional, closed, sealed,
secret adoption has got to stop. Too many lives have been devastated
in its wake.
So
what needs to be done? We need to be creative as we search for
new programs to help our young families remain together - we need
to do everything we can possibly do to prevent the loss of separation
from ever occurring in the first place. As Hal Aigner, author
of Adoption in America stated using a medical analogy - "adoption
healing is wonderful, but the better path in not to contract the
disease."
While
I was in prison, and soon after the 60 Minutes Show aired, I received
a commendation from The Giraffe Project, a legitimate non-profit
organization (www.giraffe.org) that encourages risk-taking. The
Giraffe Award is presented to individuals who are willing to 'stick
one's neck out for the Common Good.' I can tell you with pride
that it's one of my proudest awards.
For
the first time in this new century, I've decided to once again
stick my neck out. Because giraffes have such long necks, they
always see the "bigger picture" - the bigger picture is that someday
no child will have to be separated from their family of origin.
I'm hoping that those of you who also see the bigger picture will
want to become giraffes and join me. If so, would you send me
an e-mail and let me know.
On
this cool Friday in November 2000, seven years to the day that
I went to prison for adoption reform, I am calling for the abolition
of adoption. As we go forward into the 21st Century, let's end
this charade once and for all, and allow this archaic institution
to fade into obscurity and become a 'thing of the past.' In doing
so, we will truly be proponents for family preservation.
Copyright
© 2000, 2001 Sandy
Musser.
Visit Sandy's website at http://www.angelfire.com/fl2/musseriontitle}
