Look
at me, Look closely at my face and truly see me.
I
am the face of the housewife, the store clerk, the doctor, the
teacher, the doting grandmother, the "childless" business executive,
the judge, the florist, the drycleaner on the corner, the crossing
guard...all these and more.
Behind
my face, lies the truth you deny. Behind the wall I have
built for self-protection, is the pain you refuse to see. My face
does not reveal the open wound in my heart, but it is there.
I
am the forgotten face, the face that fades into the crowd, that
re-invents itself in order to fit in with all the rest of you.
I
am the face that many wish would remain forever anonymous, the
face that many long to see yet the face that others fear.
I
am the face of denial and repression. Behind my silent,
sealed lips, there are cries of grief and screams of rage.
Behind my dry eyes, is a lifetime of unshed tears.
I
am the face of long-ago shame and yesterday's scandal. I
am the face of an imprisoned soul, punished for breaking obsolete
and unloving rules.
I
am the face of one-half of a whole. I am a missing piece longing
for completion. I am the face of a traumatic and unnatural
separation and a primal wound.
I
am the face of grief without a grave, questions without answers
and secrets unknown. I am the face of an unfinished story,
a life in limbo and a victim of the needs and desires of others.
I
am the face of remorse and betrayal and a singular brand of loneliness.
I am the face of unique tragedy.
I
am the face that, now, emerges from obscurity and calls out to
be seen. You can call me the birthmother, the first mother, the
natural mother or whatever term meets your comfort level, but
it won't change the fact at hand.
That
fact is that I am a MOTHER without her child.
*
* * *
Robin
Westbrook Copyright © 2000
Visit Robin's Website:
"One Womans' Adoption Story"
Reunited
Mother and Mom to Sara & Jay
Mom to Kerry & Sam
Loving Mother to all 4
Note
regarding "respectful" adoption language:
The terms
"unwed" mother, "birthmother", "birthmom", "birthmoms", "dear
birthparent", "birthparent", "birthparents", "birthfather"
"biological" make a parent appear to be less than the mother or
father they are. These terms dehumanize and limit the parent's
role to that of an incubator. Using the honest terms "mother",
"single mother" or "natural mother" help the
public to understand why real family members must not be separated
to obtain babies for adoption.
